pressure

These next blog entries are are series of possibilities for a school project. Not all will necessarily be in the final project. The reason I'm putting writing that I do for school here is because it is extremely personal. These aren't just assignments; they are a part of who I am.

The pressure’s rising, rising, rising

And finally I can’t take it anymore.

Too much buildup, too much stress,

Too much for too long and I explode.

I want to hurl something heavy,

Shatter something fragile,

Set fire to something delicate.

I’m losing my composure.

My ugliest, nastiest parts surface and take control—

I don't even know who I am anymore.

What I'm saying isn't me.

Some spiteful being has taken over my body,

Spitting out the worst insults it can cook up.

I make my way through hallways in which I don’t belong,

My senses heightened: the fluorescent lights are brighter,

The crowds are denser, the conversations noisier.

I want out, and I want out now.

Can I just run, run far away

Until my feet can carry me no further,

Until my body gives in, until all traces of rage have perspired out of me?

They don’t care, no one cares,

I’m drowning, suffocating in a whirlwind of apathy.

If I leave now on one will ever know—

who knows if they’ll remember me,

If I’ve done anything worthy of memory so far in this empty life.

I’ve tried to express myself;

I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs and no one even looked up.

My cries are silent, unnoticed, forgotten.

Until I explode.

Everything ugly that I’ve harbored inside of me spills out for all to see.

And all it takes is one moment for everything to change.

Because everything affects everything.

You can’t just decide what parts of a person’s life you impact;

Every little thing you do or say,

It’s remembered by someone.