i was with an old friend earlier today, and we were talking about how much things have changed for each of us. when we remembered where we were a year ago and compared it to where we are now, we were shocked. it's crazy how much goes down in one year. but then, i'm only sixteen. i can't even begin to imagine how much things will change by the time i graduate high school, or by the time i'm in college, trying to figure out what the heck i want to do with my life. while driving to the mall (so many good conversations happen while driving), we talked about change and about boundaries, about how much more we are now open to than we were even a year ago. and i found myself saying things i didn't even know i thought.
seems like i'm always in conflict with myself. when people talk about having a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, i think that's a really accurate description of me. i tell myself i'm gonna do one thing and then i do the exact opposite, and i don't think anything of it. i always want the best of both worlds: working hard, striving towards goals, and at the same time having fun, being carefree, enjoying where i'm at. and i change depending on who i'm with. it disgusts me.
when i don't have positive influences in my life, will i start comprimising my beliefs? it's so easy to do that it scares me. maybe it's paranoia, due to recent realizations that many people aren't who i thought they were. but maybe that's a good thing, maybe it keeps me farther from falling into those traps. and it makes me question myself: am i what i am because there are people in my life, convincing me of what i should be, or is it of my own decision?
No comments:
Post a Comment