one month to epic

i'm so psyched to see this live. one month. if you don't have tickets yet, get them. and if you don't have respect for coldplay, you can leave now.
if you aren't patient enough to watch the whole thing, just watch the awesomeness that starts at about 4 minutes into the song.

the blog of complaints regarding missouri (which should be pronounced misery)

above is an image of exactly where i'd like to be right now.

i hate humidity. it makes even taking out the trash or walking into target an unpleasant experience. so just imagine running. even at 7am, sweat is dripping down my forehead and into my eyes after about five minutes, and i'm pretty sure by the end of my run it's already 90 degrees in the shade. when i get in the pool to teach morning swim lessons the water feels like a bath. i wake up this morning to my clock radio, with the dj saying that the 'excessive heat advisory' that was suppposed to last through today has been extended until saturday. nothing makes you wanna get up and run less than that.

if you've ever done something pretty much every day of your life and then you are suddenly forced to stop (in my case, this is a reference to sports injuries), it just sucks. and when you start getting back into it again, it's less appealing than you might expect. for me, i enjoy running, and i couldn't wait until my foot healed enough for me to do it again. but seems to drag on forever if st louis suddenly decides to act like the amazon the moment you're ready to run again.

finding decent headphones to wear while working out should not be a difficult task. it's deceptively frustrating. and money-wasting. so, if by chance you are ever on a bus and somebody steps on the headphones that came with your iPod, don't even think about settling for some colorful $15 earbuds from target. i can promise you now that you will be dissapointed. and you can't trust those expensive ones that are supposedly 'workout-proof.' chances are, they won't fit your ears, or they'll fall out when you start sweating, lose sound in one ear after 2 weeks, or get that annoying patchy sound that resembles a cd skipping. today i got excited when i found a pair that seemed to fit my ears well. i was all ready to enjoy my run with a good soundtrack to distract me from the humidity. but those earbuds ended up being chucked into the woods when they got that patchy sound. my delimma remains unresolved.

today a friend told me about her trip to germany. not only is the drinking age 16 there, but everyone walks everywhere and no one has to spend all their money on gas, people eat a lot and are thin because they bike or walk rather than drive, cops have better things to do than wait around for somebody to exceed the speed limit by 5 mph, and humidity is basically nonexistent. i think every day i get a little less fond of st louis. now i'm really hoping a trip to europe is somewhere soon in my future.

numero uno. yay

well i've been meaning to start one of these for a long time. problem is, i don't usually write anything unless there's something burning in my mind that needs to be expressed somewhere. tonight there isn't really, but i need something to do.

i was with an old friend earlier today, and we were talking about how much things have changed for each of us. when we remembered where we were a year ago and compared it to where we are now, we were shocked. it's crazy how much goes down in one year. but then, i'm only sixteen. i can't even begin to imagine how much things will change by the time i graduate high school, or by the time i'm in college, trying to figure out what the heck i want to do with my life. while driving to the mall (so many good conversations happen while driving), we talked about change and about boundaries, about how much more we are now open to than we were even a year ago. and i found myself saying things i didn't even know i thought.

seems like i'm always in conflict with myself. when people talk about having a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, i think that's a really accurate description of me. i tell myself i'm gonna do one thing and then i do the exact opposite, and i don't think anything of it. i always want the best of both worlds: working hard, striving towards goals, and at the same time having fun, being carefree, enjoying where i'm at. and i change depending on who i'm with. it disgusts me.

when i don't have positive influences in my life, will i start comprimising my beliefs? it's so easy to do that it scares me. maybe it's paranoia, due to recent realizations that many people aren't who i thought they were. but maybe that's a good thing, maybe it keeps me farther from falling into those traps. and it makes me question myself: am i what i am because there are people in my life, convincing me of what i should be, or is it of my own decision?